Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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