I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
