youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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