Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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