I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
