what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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