At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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