your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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