let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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