how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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