I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
