The maid of honor just puked.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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