If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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