can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
