does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
