awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
did i just pee glitter
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
