I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
