is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
