Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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