I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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