Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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