Already got asked if we're dating
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
