It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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