I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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