Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
