at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
