I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
