We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the liver wants what the liver wants
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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