i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
