Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
