wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
