My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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