he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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