I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
