shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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