11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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