As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize