if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
