You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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