I'm really into asian looking animals
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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