i don't like sucking hair
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
