Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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