She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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