Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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