do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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