she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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