I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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