If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
pray to the hookup gods
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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