You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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