Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
