I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
