I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
