Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
