why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
