Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
