I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
