I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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