do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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