U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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