First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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