Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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