Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
