Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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