It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
