My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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