I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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