whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize