I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
