apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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