I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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