did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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