Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
