I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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